Get The Guy: His Snarky Comment Proved My Point

So I posted a picture for my Clothes That Get The Guy ebook on the Fashion For Real Women Facebook page over the Labor Day weekend and got some likes and shares on it:

Clothes That Get The Guy

But I also got this snarky comment:

Comment

I don’t know this man, I’ve never had any interaction with him, yet he felt compelled to come to my for-women-only fashion page, tell me I’m wrong, and lecture me about clothes.  This is the first comment I’ve ever received from a man in my nearly 13 years online.

So why am I sharing this with you?

Because in his attempt to dismiss the role of clothing in the dating equation, he actually proved how much men rely on it in when considering suitable mates.

Couple in ParisGoing only from the photo, the man decided the woman is:

  • Difficult
  • Self-centered
  • Demanding
  • Unpleasant
  • A lot of work
  • Money-grubbing

…and not worth his effort.  He prefers “casual, down-to-earth girls,” who “follow their hearts and not your wallet,” so he’s gonna give this one a pass.

Because, you know, he’s not superficial.

He just came up with that laundry list based on how she’s dressed.

Alright – I won’t torture him further, and I ask that you don’t either.  Please do NOT go post anything on his Facebook wall or call him out in any way. Just leave him alone.

Because my guess is, this picture is incredibly painful for him.  Otherwise, he wouldn’t have bothered to comment.

Say WHAT?

I like this picture and have used it several times because it makes me think of one of my private clients.  She’s lovely and well educated, but she came to me because she felt her disjointed, casual wardrobe was holding her back career-wise.  I agreed.  We worked together, make some wardrobe changes, networking opportunities arose…and the next thing she knew, she had a handsome young entrepreneur hot on her trail.  They’d been dating a few months when he had to go to Paris for a week on business, and he lasted two days before he missed her so much, he sent her a ticket to come join him.  She texted me a photo similar to this, thanking me for my help.  They got married a year later.

So when I see this, it reminds me of her success.

But when this guy saw it, my guess is it made him go ballistic because he:

  • Jumped through hoops to try to please a high-maintenance woman who left him for a richer guy; or
  • Had a big crush on a woman who dressed like this who wouldn’t give him the time of day because he couldn’t afford her; or
  • Lost his father – and subsequently, his family – to an affair partner who dressed like this

To him, these types of women are gold diggers.  Danger!  Danger!  Stay away.

Now I may be totally wrong, but I don’t think so.  Most men don’t write much – ever – unless they do it for a living.  They certainly don’t go out of their way to vent on a woman’s fashion blog or Facebook page.  As I said, in nearly 13 years and over 400 posts, this is the first I’ve ever seen. So clearly, something was compelling him.

My guess is a broken heart.  Or a broken family.  There’s more here than he’s telling.

Regardless, I understand his viewpoint. I’ve known plenty of women who act exactly like he described: they’re more interested in a man’s money than his heart (although most of them typically show a lot more skin).  Loud, demanding, petulant, moody – they CAN be difficult and self-centered, particularly when they don’t get their way.  Often, they come from humble backgrounds, and once they claw and scratch their way to a higher income, they treat everyone around them like dirt. They may look good on the outside, but once they open their mouths and their poor manners, limited education, and loads of profanity spill out, they lose all their luster. Reality TV is replete with them.

But this behavior is certainly not limited to women.  Self-centered men are also easy to spot.  They also tend to be loud, crass, and demanding, and often build themselves up while putting everyone else down: “He’s a moron.  She’s an idiot.  They’re all losers.”  There’s not point in arguing with them.  They’re right, everyone else is wrong.  They’re as frustrating as their female counterparts.

That said, you can’t always glean people’s personalities from how they dress.

Yes, sometimes it’s blatantly obvious:

Kim Zolciak

Kim Zolciak of “Real Housewives of Atlanta”

But other times, not so much:

Michaele and Tareq Salahi

Michaele and Tareq Salahi crash a White House State Dinner while filming the “Real Housewives of D.C.” in Nov. 2009

You actually have to talk to people to see what they’re like.  Then, you go from there.

You can’t just accept or reject them based solely on how they dress.

And yet, people do it all the time – as our commenter so clearly demonstrated.  He’s giving EVERY well dressed woman a “pass” based on the bad behavior of one (or two). That’s certainly his prerogative. Once burned, twice shy, as the saying goes.

But as I said before, his comment reiterates just how much clothing reveals without saying a word. In dating, if you dress like the woman in the Paris picture, men who feel up to the challenge you present will approach you; those who don’t, won’t.  It’s a shortcut that saves everyone a lot of time and hassle.

Here was my response:

Response

At the same time, I understand his frustration.  It’s called “truth in advertising.”

If you’re going to dress like a woman of style and grace, you need to strive to actually be a woman of style and grace. Because being pretty on the outside but nasty, petty, or scheming on the inside is a really BIG turn off.  Hence this guy’s likely upset.

No one likes to be toyed with.  No one likes to be used.

Especially when there’s lots of money involved.

Get dumped AND taken to the cleaners at the same time?  Wars have been started for less.

Which is why those who have lots to lose tend to be very, VERY careful.

Cartier Panthere Bracelet

Cartier Panthere Bracelet

I was talking recently to someone who runs a finishing school in the UK who jokingly said she was thinking of adding a matchmaking division because of all the aristocrats who keep calling, looking for a “nice girl” with finishing school polish.  They need a wife who’s pretty, knows how to dress, speak, entertain, and run their multiple households with ease.  In exchange, they’ll give her a six-figure monthly spending allowance and take her birthday shopping at Cartier. Cost isn’t the problem. Finding qualified candidates is. Models and actresses don’t seem to cut it.  Neither do “celebutantes.”  At this level, looking good isn’t enough.  It’s just the beginning.

Which is what makes Kate Middleton so unique.

It’s fun to dream of a handsome prince picking you out of a crowd and whisking you away to a fairy tale life.  Who wouldn’t want the attention?  The clothes?  The houses?

But it’s a two-way street.

What’s in it for him?  What does he get, besides a pretty girl?

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge
ARK Gala, June 2011

In the case of the Duchess of Cambridge, the handsome prince gets quite a lot.  She:

  • Looks amazing in diamonds and couture
  • But typically shops for bargains on High Street
  • Remains composed in front of very large crowds
  • Yet is content taking walks with her husband and dog
  • Has tea with the Queen
  • Laughs with school children and their parents
  • Is overseeing a multi-million dollar renovation of their Kensington Palace Apartment
  • But does her own grocery shopping in Anglesey

Now imagine one of the Real Housewives swapping places with her.  Or Kim Kardashian.  Or Miley Cyrus.  Yes, they’d all love the status and clothing and attention. But how many would go back to High Street after they started wearing couture?  How many would change diapers or go grocery shopping once they had people to do it for them?  How many would get bored while Prince William was at work, get drunk, and start tweeting half-naked selfies?

See the problem?

Money doesn’t equal class.  It hasn’t for centuries.  It’s much more complicated than that.

Class is a combination of occupation, education, income, and wealth.  Money is only part of the equation.  Which is why when savvy people come into money, they quickly further their education to smooth out the rough edges and better fit into high society.  Those who think it’s all about money don’t.  Then they wonder why they’re excluded from the highest circles.

Or why they leave bitter young men like our commenter in their wake.

Yes, it’s important to dress well so that your outside accurately reflects what’s inside – especially when you’re looking for a mate or a job.  Accurate is the key word here.  If you dress one way and act another, it leads to confusion and distrust.

You don’t want that.  You want to attract a man who is smitten at first sight and loves you the rest of your life – regardless of his income.

Because in the end, it’s not about status or stuff.  It’s about being loved and cherished.

Did you see the story about Fred Stobaugh, the 96 year old man who wrote a love song to his late wife, Lorraine?  They’d been together for 75 years, married for nearly 73, when she passed away in April.  He loved her and adored her and missed her so much, he wrote her a love song – that when viral.  Notice how she’s dressed (tissues required):

Who cares about status?!  I’d take a love song ANY day.  Most women would – unless they’re the superficial sort our commenter condemned all well-dressed woman of being.

So if you’re looking to attract a guy who will love and adore you, pre-qualify them by dressing appropriately.  It’s the fastest way to separate the serious from the not-so-serious, the ready to move forward from the “once bitten, twice shy.”  Clothes That Get The Guy Can Help.

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19 Comments

  • kwabena

    Reply Reply September 5, 2013

    before you hear her, before you smell her, and certainly before you taste her, you SEE her;

    and a lady ALWAYS dresses like a lady–and if it is off-putting to boys, so much the better;

    it works the same way for fellas–clothes may not make the man, but they most certainly do announce him…

    and that is why ladies and gentlemen, fashion may go out of style, but style NEVER goes out of fashion;

  • Cathy Antunes

    Reply Reply September 5, 2013

    Beautiful article – grabbing Kleenex watching the lovely “Sweet Lorraine” video. Clothing communicates, whether we like it or not.

  • The person you quoted

    Reply Reply September 6, 2013

    Diana… I’m stunned by your response and your self-righteous (and incredibly lengthy) article that you handed down from your pulpit based on a massive misreading of my casual off-hand comment.

    My comment wasn’t intended in a snarky tone as it was actually rooted in incredulity about your choice of domain name… but after a friend forwarded me your unbelievably immature blog post, I am now truly offended by your behaviour.

    “Because, you know, he’s not superficial.”

    my reply: Because, you know… you actually read what I wrote. You got a whole lot nonsense out of those 9 lines that I didn’t actually say.

    Please go back and read the words that I wrote before you hold me up publicly and use me for target practice over things that I neither said nor implied. In fact, please go back and take down your blog post, as I never gave you permission to use my name in your post as fodder for your self-promotion / mud-slinging in the first place.

    For example. I didn’t say one single thing about the personality of woman in the photo *herself*, as you say I did. I didn’t make any assumptions or statements about her whatsoever. I wrote about my experiences with people I know who *dress* in the manner that the woman in the photo is dressed. Is that attributing any assumption to the woman in the photo? No. Yet you wrote:

    “Going only from the photo, our commenter decided the woman is:
    Difficult
    Self-centered
    Demanding
    Unpleasant
    A lot of work
    Money-grubbing”

    Please show me where I said any of that about the woman in the photo.

    “But when our commentor saw it, my guess is it made him go ballistic because he:
    • Jumped through hoops to try to please a high-maintenance woman who left him for a richer guy; or
    • Had a big crush on a woman who dressed like this who wouldn’t give him the time of day because he couldn’t afford her; or
    • Lost his father – and subsequently, his family – to an affair partner who dressed like this
    To him, these types of women are gold diggers.  Danger!  Danger!  Stay away.
    Now I may be totally wrong, but I don’t think so.”
    You are. First of all, I never went “ballistic”. Really…? Hyperbole much?
    To address each insulting point, and exactly how wrong you are:

    “Jumped through hoops to try to please a high-maintenance woman who left him for a richer guy” No. I’ve never been left (or even dumped) by any romantic partner, save for my first girlfriend in highschool. No, she didn’t run off with a richer sophomore (LOL!)… she was simply developed a crush on another boy at her school, and I was attending a different school. Was I scared for life? Am I out for revenge?! Haha! If you say so! We are great friends to this day… my wife and I drove 10 hours each way to be at her wedding 2 years ago. The point is, I never have been (and never would be) attracted to the specific individual women I was speaking of, because of their personalities. Yes they dress nicely on the pretense that it makes them more attractive, but they are difficult people to get along with, and there is simply no way that any amount of dolling up can cover that up. One of them is a family member. Another is one of the mothers at the private daycare that my son goes to. Others have been co-workers. Can you see how I’m entirely valid in my views that you called “jumping to conclusions”, because I spoke specifically and ONLY of people whom I know personally, and my own direct experiences with them, not “all women” who dress nicely. There’s no conclusion jumping involved, other, ironically and embarrassingly, by you. Please show me where I said that the woman in the photo is difficult, self-centred, or demanding? It’s simply not there… yet you “jumped to conclusions” based on words that I did not write.

    To your further points…

    “Had a big crush on a woman who dressed like this who wouldn’t give him the time of day because he couldn’t afford her” Wrong again – strike two. Here’s yet another conclusion you’ve jumped to, this time about my financial standing, as I don’t recall appointing you as my financial advisor, or even mentioning what I do for a job. I certainly don’t try to make money by selling ebooks online, marketed via trashy blogs ripping down other people in a blast of tasteless self-promotion. I am, on the other hand, not the type of person who would ever have had a crush on any woman who would concern herself with whether or not “I can afford her”. Completely preposterous! If any woman ever looked at me for my financial standing rather than my personality when deciding if I’m a good match for her, there’s the question of whether she’s offering sex in exchange for compensation, and at that point, we’re talking about a whole different type of woman. A moot point, however, as that’s never been the case. That little gem right there at the tail end of your sentence, however, is the biggest clue to your apparently all-consuming focus on superficiality vs personality.

    “Lost his father – and subsequently, his family – to an affair partner who dressed like this” Strike three – you’re out. My parents were actually happily married, until they died at relatively young ages (44 and 32) in separate tragic events 8 years apart. However, I do thank you for your light-hearted take on the likely state of their marriage and my father’s fidelity to my mother. You really know how to turn on the charm!

    If I was to reply with my own blog post in the spirit of yours, I would have to go about making up something about how you must be a bitter woman who’s been cheated on repeatedly, and was dumped because she wasn’t as pretty as the other women… and throw in something about how I’m absolutely certain that your conclusion jumping makes you the life of any party you go to, because people just can’t get enough of you handing out your randomly formed first impression opinions about them. But, as I prefaced it, those are only examples of how someone might write about you in kind to how you wrote about me, and I wouldn’t ever go there for real, because I don’t know anything about you, other than that you appear to have a very serious focus on superficiality, money, and a level of reading comprehension doesn’t qualify you for any sort of career involving the written word.

    “Most men don’t write much – ever – unless they do it for a living.  They certainly don’t go out of their way to vent on a woman’s fashion blog or Facebook page.  As I said, in nearly 13 years and over 400 posts, this is the first I’ve ever seen. So clearly, something was compelling him.” — I was compelled to call you on how your domain name is simultaneously insulting to both men and women. It treats both men and women as stupid, and puts the focus of what is attractive on something artificial and purchased (clothes) rather than something genuine and permanent about the person (personality). That’s all. I only saw it because a friend of mine shared the image.

    You going on with things in the vein of how I’m a bitter young man left in the wake of a woman, “My guess is a broken heart.  Or a broken family.  There’s more here than he’s telling.” etc etc etc…. your usual internet marketing crap sales-copy that nobody falls for. My post was simply calling you on your bullshit. Like I am here again. I’m hardly hung up on a broken heart — save your melodrama. I’m a married man with one son and another baby on the way.

    “Who cares about status?!  I’d take a love song ANY day.  Most women would – unless they’re the superficial sort our commentor condemned all well-dressed woman of being.” – I did no such thing… once again – re-read what I wrote. I didn’t condemn any well dressed women to anything. I commented on a few people I know personally. (and, by the way, it should be “women” not “woman”)

    “And yet, people do it all the time – as our commenter so clearly demonstrated.  He’s giving EVERY well dressed woman a “pass” based on the bad behavior of one (or two). That’s certainly his prerogative. Once burned, twice shy, as the saying goes.” — I didn’t judge anyone. I spoke of people I know, and my own experiences with them. I’ve given nobody a “pass” based on the behaviour of one (or two) people. I’ve never been burned, and I’m not shy. You really got all of that out of my simple post?!

    If you go back and actually read what I wrote (and not whatever absolute garbage you felt like inventing and inserting as the context behind what I wrote) is that TO ME, personality is what is truly attractive about a person. I didn’t say a single thing about “…ALL women…” did I?

    My post was simply stating that clothes are just a pile of woven fibres that in and of themselves have no power to attract any man (save for the odd freak, maybe). For me, personality, the real human being is what is attractive. Even if the woman happens to be a refugee from a war-torn country, dressed in the same worn-out clothes she escaped in 3 years ago, it’s all about personality. Why did you lambaste me for mentioning that I’m attracted to personality and not a pair of pants? That… if you care to go back and find it… was the essence of my previous post. How you came up with your complete pile of bullshit out of that little kernel, I have no idea… except to say that you had an agenda to try to sell ebooks and possibly acquire clients… at my expense.

    • Diana

      Reply Reply September 6, 2013

      I have taken your name off the blog post and edited it out of your comment because you’re right – you did not give me permission to use it on my blog. My apologies. But I won’t delete it. Because YOU’RE the one who came to my Facebook page and started taking pot shots in a public forum. If you didn’t want to be criticized, don’t make inflammatory remarks.

      I allowed that I might be wrong as to the motive behind your Facebook post. I said it several times. I even agreed with you that there are plenty of people who behave exactly as you described. I also said you’re entitled to your opinion. I stand behind all of it.

      But you have never once given me the same courtesy. You’ve ridiculed my site, my industry, my products, and me. Then, when I called you on it, you threatened a lawsuit and wanted everything deleted to hide your bad behavior.

      I won’t do it.

      I’m going to allow your words to speak for themselves as a cautionary tale to my readers.

      Sir, you are no gentleman.

      And I don’t need to see what you’re wearing to know that. Your personality speaks for itself.

  • Carol Fritz

    Reply Reply September 6, 2013

    Research has shown that 80% of what people think of you they decide before you open your mouth.

    As one of my classmates from law school said, “We dress [like lawyers] not because we’re superficial, but because they are.”

    The face one shows the world is what the world sees.

    Now that I am an actor as well as an attorney, I use this to my advantage in auditions and dress like the character I am portraying.

    Last Wednesday, for instance, I was auditioning as a blue collar woman and wore a simple knit skirt and top. A business suit would have been out of place even though I look terrific in a suit.

    • Diana

      Reply Reply September 6, 2013

      Carol, you’re absolutely right! People DO go by how we look, because it’s the old “fight or flight” response – we need to know in an instant if people and situations are safe.

      Good work on the audition! Yep – when you dress like the character you’re portraying, it makes it easier for casting directors to see you in that role.

  • Cathie

    Reply Reply September 6, 2013

    Diana, you are so kind, sensitive, and incredibly intelligent.. I am so happy to hear from you in emails every week. By the way, I bought your course on get the guy when it came out and I love it. 🙂 Cathie

    • Diana

      Reply Reply September 6, 2013

      Hi Cathie,

      Thanks so much for your kind words! I appreciate it! Thanks!

      Diana

  • JO

    Reply Reply September 7, 2013

    To The Person You Quoted,

    You might not have said:

    Difficult
    Self-centered
    Demanding
    Unpleasant
    A lot of work
    Money-grubbing”

    SPECIFICALLY about the woman in the photo, but you certainly implied that would be your thoughts about women that dressed like that. Therefore, in my opinion, by implication you applied those criticisms to the woman in the photo.

    I have no allegiance to Diana, no axe to grind, and I will say for the record that I have never purchased any of her products (Sorry Diana, but on the plus side, an unbiased response might carry weight here). I do however, get her regular emails and have read a lot of her articles. OK, Diana punches her marketing efforts high (good luck to her), but I like to think of myself as a clear minded individual who won’t be led by marketing if I don’t want to be. However, that doesn’t mean that I don’t give a lot of thought to what she writes about image and how women portray themselves.

    I am an incredibly well respected professional in my industry, but that industry is still ‘male dominated’ with an historic male bias. If I want to achieve over my male colleagues I haven’t just got be doing it as well as the next person, I’ve got be doing it better. I’ve also got to be seen and, most importantly, ‘noticed’ doing it better. A smart, industry standard appearance will help me do that, an appearance that is ‘memorable’ in all the right ways adds to that.

    In terms of ‘clothes that get the right guy’, I am single, but also intelligent and I find that when I chat to someone (male or female) I find it hard going if they cannot match my intellect and my interests. In my experience not all guys want someone that can out think them, they would rather have someone that they can walk all over – this works for some women who like to feel that they are the ‘little woman’ and its def. a case of each to their own. However, this works both ways and, in my case, I don’t want a guy that I can out-think. I want an intelligent, successful chap that I am going to be able to hold an intelligent conversation with and who might be sufficiently well educated to share my interests, humour, language choice, and know how to conduct himself in a manner that I won’t find offensive (and that includes knowing how to dress appropriately and politely). In other words, I want the chap would is more likely to going to present himself in a similar manner to myself (as he knows it is polite to do so) and who will appreciate the fact that I know how to dress and behave in ‘his world’. For what it’s worth it’s a good job you have already found someone as I don’t think you would have ‘measured up’, in a number of respects!

    • Diana

      Reply Reply September 7, 2013

      Thanks, Jo! I appreciate your support. And you’re right – we tend to attract and be attracted to people with similar values, education, interests, etc. as ourselves.

  • Robin

    Reply Reply September 7, 2013

    Diana, you responded well to someone who was rude and disrespectful. The website is for women only, so why did he go to the site if he didn’t want to make a smart comment about it.

    I am African American and 47 years old and I have been dressing like the woman in the picture since, I was in high school. Working in business and retail has only helped me increase my wardrobe to dress like the person that I am on the inside. I wear this style of clothing to work and to church and for any other special occasion, because I look and feel more comfortable in skirts and dresses with heels, than I do in pants. I don’t dress to attract a man or to impress anyone, I dress because this is what I like and I feel good when I look this way. I don’t have a very high income and I have never been attracted to men based on their occupation or their salary. Your personality comes through the way you present yourself in the clothes that you wear. I have always presented myself as a woman of grace, confidence, and kindness, regardless of what I am wearing and that is what my partner was attracted to when he first saw me.

    You just keep doing what you do and women and men will see why how you dress is important in any situation.

    • Diana

      Reply Reply September 9, 2013

      Hi Robin,

      Thanks for your note! I appreciate your input.

      Yes, you need to dress to suit yourself first, in the context of what’s appropriate for various situations. Sounds like you’re doing just fine. 🙂

  • Sarah Liz

    Reply Reply September 7, 2013

    Diana, you have said it for me. That man is no gentleman. I guess high maintenance means the lady in the picture has standards and principles – just as all ladies of substance and style do. I do think your articles are spot on, and in today’s very casual climate well needed – for I think it is our casual culture that is actually bringing women into lower regard – all ladies should maintain their standards, even if it means a lonely life – there are too few gentlemen around now. I get upset when I see young women carrying things for their boyfriends – no, ladies, no.

    My family lost their money in the depression, and I have slowly purchased my own house through working as a Registered Nurse, and have then studied to make myself intellectually interesting. I then have, as you said, reinvested in myself, and never, every look down my nose at anyone. My father taught me that, as did my mother. We can all of us, at any point in our life, go up or down the social pole, but it is who you are that counts – and your clothes should reflect that always,- even if you are poor and shop at thrift shops (which I had to do when paying a mortgage – my black second hand blazer served me well for years !).

    • Diana

      Reply Reply September 9, 2013

      Hi Sarah,

      Thanks for your note! I appreciate your input.

      My goal for my readers is for them to be able to comfortably and confidently interact with people from all social levels. It sounds like your parents taught you well and you’re already doing that. And yes – reinvesting in yourself in CRUCIAL. It’s the only way to move forward.

  • Sarah Liz

    Reply Reply September 7, 2013

    Diana, I am being a little greedy on your blog today – I am just thinking about why someone would react in such a way to articles that are written for women. And I think well written – and your advice is sound, and has stood the test of time. In real life I would just say with dignity “thank you for your opinion”and walk away. Of course, in the public domain it is always more difficult. I am not sure that social media brings out the best in people – emotional reactions are just so easy to “post” nowadays, with all the consequences that can bring. I always think of my use of social media as being a form of “public behaviour” – so I take out my smart white blouse, put on my neat skirt and mind my p’s and q’s – I only make personal comments at home quietly, and even then I tend to be careful with whom, and what. I don’t think everyone behaves like that with social media – it is just too easy to press the enter button.

    I was interested in the fact that well bred gentlemen find it difficult to get a wife – it is actually hard work running an English estate – and believe you me, this sort of lady is also extremely down to earth and has a great sense of humour. All marriages are a partnership of work, and marrying “well” is no exception to the rule.

    I guess it is a matter of reading between the lines to get the message behind your words – which are spot on.

    • Diana

      Reply Reply September 9, 2013

      Hi Sarah,

      Thanks for your additional input. I appreciate your insight.

      I have found that people say things online that they would NEVER say in person. It’s easy to hide behind a computer; not so much when you’re face-to-face.

      The reason why I chose to respond to the nay-sayer both on the blog and on my Facebook page is because I often tell my readers that the higher they climb, the more mud that gets flung at them. This episode is a perfect example. I don’t know this man from Adam, yet he felt completely justified in not only putting me down, but throwing a temper tantrum when I challenged him and refused to cower. There were too many lessons here NOT to teach them.

      There was a time in my life when I would have allowed myself to be bullied by someone like this. Those days are gone. When you stand your ground, people like this tend to quit and go look for easier prey. It’s a good lesson to learn.

  • Fidelia

    Reply Reply September 10, 2013

    Hello Diana,

    Like JO and the rest of them said, I have read with keen interest your article, the snarky comment (and yes, snarky it is), the man’s very terrible response, and your response to his response (smiles). I do not know you beyond your articles, and I recall how I stumbled on your site (Thanks to google), but I find your articles inspiring for decent women. To begin with, I am a married woman in my early thirties who is in no way superficial. That being said, I recall that for the first two years of my career, I cared less about what I wore. I am an intelligent woman who toped her class for most of her schooling years, but I was not getting the raise, the promotions and the recommendations I deserved at work – until I got married to a perfect gentleman who taught me exactly the same things you teach in your articles – that although dressing is not ALL that makes a woman, it certainly is very important. I began to dress appropriately and like the distinguished lady that I am. And you can’t imagine the TOTAL transformation this gave my career. The attention in my workplace is amazing, the opportunities, vast! Thanks to my amazing husband (who by the way loathes superficiality and loves Diana Pemberton’s articles – I’ve read out a few to him).

    Diana, putting it nicely, that man is soooo not a gentleman. Like the African women say in pidgin, he has a ‘bad-mouth’. I didn’t see anything insulting in your response to his article, even though I found his facebook article insulting to both men and women. Then I read his, and that’s when I concluded that he is one of the most churlish men I have ‘met’ in a while. And he keeps betraying himself in his words. I am not interested in quoting some annoying self-righteous statements he made although I would have loved to.

    Diana, please keep writing the way you do. Any intelligent person would understand that you do not hinge on the superficial. However, even the bible says that ‘man looks at the outward appearance. It’ll take a while to see the inside, but you don’t want to put people off at first meeting with them, just because your clothes could not reflect the beautiful you who lives inside…

    Mr, Rude man, a word is enough for the wise. Be a gentleman.

    • Diana

      Reply Reply September 11, 2013

      Hi Fidelia,

      Thanks so much for your support! I appreciate it!

      But I’m even MORE delighted by the transformation you’ve experienced since implementing my advice. Yippee! Glad to hear things are going so well for you! And you’re right: dressing well opens up a WORLD of new opportunities. I’m so glad I could be part of it in some small way. 🙂

  • Kay

    Reply Reply March 11, 2015

    Best not to waste your valuable time on negative people like the guy who posted on your Facebook page. What may be surmised from his original comment is that he considers ladies who dress with care and self-respect OUT OF HIS LEAGUE. He may just lack the confidence to approach a classy lady, so he goes for the “sour grapes” theory, looking for reasons why “she wasn’t any good anyway”.

    Kay

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